Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
this is an emotional support booty call
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
