And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
