you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My friends, they love my intelligence
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
