i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
