Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize