The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
