Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We need to rekindle our bromance
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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