Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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