I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
