And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
