The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
