Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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