smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
