i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize