As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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