idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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