Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
