You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize