in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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