I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
