So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
