Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
