Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
