I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
