I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
