I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
