He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
