This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
