i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
