Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
