some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
