i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize