then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
