She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
