my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
