Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
