The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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