i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
