i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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