I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
