First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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