every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
