Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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