I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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