Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
