Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
