I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Couch. On fire.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
