Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
