Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
