I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
