Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
