New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
In America we eat man semen.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
