I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
