She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
