So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
