At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
