We tried having a conversation with our noses.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
