strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
