John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
