I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
