Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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