so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
