my room smells like sperm. sweet.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
