They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
