yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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