I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
