do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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