youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize