i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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