Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
