if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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