Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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