How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
