Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize